


Night Thoughts

by FanfictionFever



Series: Vent Fics [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Lance's POV, M/M, No Fluff, Not really Klance, based off events of my life, but not a lot, i cried while i wrote this, idk how to tag, im sorry for i have sinned, okay maybe some soft parts, tag yourself im lance lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 02:27:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17235611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanfictionFever/pseuds/FanfictionFever
Summary: Sometimes Lance stays awake and thinks of all the things that he once did with Keith. How close they used to be, how often they hung out. After prom night, though, it had changed, and Lance thinks about this a lot. It is his fault after all, right?Tonight was one of those nights. The difference between now and all those other nights is the fact that Keith had joined him outside, and the fact that the male asked how one question that made him answer in such a way he didn't expect the other to ever wat to see or hear from him again.---------Okay so it's kind of klance, but kind of not because they never really get together but their relationship is the main element but they aren't really friends but they're not really dating, you know? I didn't know how else to tag it.





	Night Thoughts

Scattered along in basement were his friends, sound asleep and snoring lightly, each covered with blankets provided or brought on their own. Pidge rested her head on Hunk’s stomach like the pillow he was meant to be while Shiro and Allura laid intertwined on the soft, slightly worn down sofa that pressed against a wall. Coran reclined in a recliner, head lolled to the side as drool seemed to come out and drip into his mustache. Acxa laid on the loves eat, Veronica in her hold. Lotor took up the second recliner while Ezor and Zethrid were snuggled onto the floor not too far. Keith was alone, curled in a far corner covered by thick blankets,, though that didn’t shock Lance. 

After all he didn’t invite _James_ over for reasons of his own selfishness. It all came back to him on nights like this - ones where Lance would sit alone in the silence able to think. He hated it. He hated remembering prom night one year ago when Keith had asked him as a date, knowing full well Lance had a crush on him. One that often kept the male up, blue eyes staring at the ceiling wondering if he was unlovable. 

He hated remembering how he had sat next to Keith during dinner and took care of him because the male was high on anxiety medicine. It was his first time, after all, and he was nervous when it came down to it. They had talked all through dinner, sharing jokes and interacting with others.

He hated that they held hands the whole ride home. 

He hated remembering that, in the limo they’d taken with Hunk, Pidge, Allura, and Shiro, Keith had laughed and said all his slow dances were occupied only to hold Lance for each and every one of them. How during the first dance Lance had stood awkward at first, keeping his hands on Keith’s shoulders only for the male to laugh and pull him closer. 

_”Around my neck. Yeah. Yeah like that, Blue. See it’s less awkward. We aren’t some middle schoolers trying to get hold of new feelings, right?” Keith laughed, and Lance had soon joined in, joking about middle school dances and how weird they always were._

He hated remembering the moments he saw Keith leaning to Hunk, and how the two would glance to Lance as he sat by Allura and Shiro. The way Hunk had smiled and whispered something back, and gave Lance a thumbs up when Keith walked away as if he knew what that meant. 

He hated that, for their last dance, Keith held him close. He hated that afterwards the male leaned in and whispered that he felt the same way for Lance. 

He hated that he walked away. 

He hated that Keith didn’t talk to him for the rest of the night yet when Lance was alone crying on the floor had the audacity to come up and ask what was wrong. 

He hated that, after he told him, he was ignored.

For days.

He hated that Keith and him had gotten closer only to throw it all away because Lance couldn’t keep his own feelings in check. 

By now he was crying. Since Lance didn’t want to wake anyone up, he slowly stood and slid out the back door. Once there he climbed onto the trampoline they had and laid back, staring up at the stars with tears running down his face. The good memories didn’t stop at that night. No. More came flooding back. More from here, where the pair had laid down and talked and stared at the sky as it got darker. 

Keith said he had to go home. Lance said okay. Later that night Keith had uploaded to his Snapchat story about being out with friends who texted him asking to go out only minutes before telling Lance he had to go. That night Lance laid in bed and wondered why he wasn’t good enough. 

Deciding he couldn’t stay there he moved to the firepit. Though it wasn’t lit he stared into it, thinking about that time Keith invited him to a bonfire. Him and some people he didn’t know, but he agreed because it was 

_Keith_. Though everyone else had cancelled, Lance said he would come over so they could play games and watch Netflix. And that they did. Keith kicked ass in Left 4 Dead while Lance sucked, though he enjoyed playing anyways. Then they sat on opposite ends of the couch and watched television, though Keith was unaware of Lance’s desire to crawl over into the male’s arms. 

God.

Why did everything have Keith written on it?

Taking a breath, Lance moved once again. He moved to the porch. No memories came to mind at first, but the more he sat in silence the more thoughts seemed to take over:

Him and Keith ditching some lame dance to go to the lake. 

Him confessing to Keith and getting asked on a date only for it to be cancelled because Lance was too much and he _knew_ that. 

Him and Keith at the lake, putting their feet in the cold ass water. 

Him and Keith at the park making up lame games that Lance sucked at but loved. 

Him and Keith going up and down the streets, Keith on his skateboard and Lance walking beside or behind. 

The tears were unstoppable. Well, Lance thought they were until he heard the back door open and close. He couldn’t really hide, so whoever walked out could see him seated on the steps. Keith walked out, hair up in a ponytail as he looked at Lance, an eyebrow raising before slowly moving to sit down beside him. “Couldn’t sleep?” He asked after a minute, offering a small, awkward smile. 

Lance opened his mouth before closing it, letting his eyes train to the ground as he wiped at the tears. “Yeah. Yeah no I uh...it’s been hard lately.” The answer had taken a minute, but as usual Keith waited for it. He didn’t pry. He didn’t force. It was just silence and patience. 

Soon silence took over, and Lance wasn’t willing to fill it. Wind blew which made Keith’s pale cheeks turn a light shade of pink, and soon he was sliding half his blanket over Lance’s shoulders as well. The two were smushed closer together like this not that Lance complained. Though maybe he should. After all while he was in the process of getting over Keith the male was making it hard. Lance was supposed to be interested in Ryan. Ryan, who he had met in class when the new school year started up. Who was quiet but loved photography, especially of Lance. He took Lance out on ‘expeditions’ which, everyone was pretty sure, were just dates that both males refused to call dates. He’d take videos and pictures of Lance. 

And Lance loved it. 

All the positive attention that Keith never seemed to give to Lance. It was nice. Ryan made him smile, made him laugh, never left his side when they were out together. Sometimes he would grab Lance’s hand and guide him along and he loved that. Not only that, but, as weird as it seemed, Ryan got along with Lance’s family better than Keith. Everyone loved him and kept asking when Lance would ask him out. But Lance couldn’t ask him out because he wasn’t over Keith. 

Keith who didn’t do nearly as much for him as Ryan did. Who didn’t seem to enjoy Lance’s presence as much as he once did. He left him when they hung out a lot for others, and even when he asked him to Homecoming Keith had ventured to his own friends and left Lance all alone which was why he left early, but he told Keith he was sick because he didn’t want to hurt his feelings. There were so much negatives he could point out about Keith, yet there were positives mixed in and he didn’t -

“Do you, like, hate me?” Keith asked out of the blue, violet eyes now staring at Lance - no, _into_ Lance - as he asked. When it was asked there seemed to be a lull in everything. The bugs seemed to quiet, the wind slowed down, there were no sounds of birds chirping.

And the thing was?

Lance didn’t know. Well, he did, but he didn’t know how to say what he felt without explaining everything he’s ever felt towards Keith. 

So he did.

“When I confessed to you,” he began, keeping his blue eyes trained on the grass of the yard so he didn’t have to see Keith’s expressions, “I thought you would hate me. Or find me weird. That’s why I kept telling you I didn’t want to say, but you kept asking so I thought what the hell. When you asked me on a date I was so...so fucking happy. You cancelled it the next day, and I went three weeks thinking about how I fucked up somehow. Some way. I cried that night, alone, holding my body pillow to my chest. There was something wrong with me that made me unlovable, right?”

“And then you kept asking to hang out. I kept saying yes. All those parties you threw, ones I went to, I went because you threw them. I went to see you. Prom night? That night was the one that made the happiest. I remember crying in the bathroom right after you told me your feelings with Shiro and Hunk because I was so fucking happy, Keith. So fucking happy that that whole ride to prom I held your hand, that in the restaurant I laid my lips on your cheek, that you said all your dances were filled yet only danced with me. Letting you hold me felt right. Pidge took a picture of us slow dancing, too, and she kept saying how we looked at each other like no one else existed and honestly it may as well have been that way.”

“I don’t hate you even though you avoided me after that like I was the plague. No I actually think...I think you managed to make me fall in love with you? And it kinda sucks, dude. It really kinda fucking sucks because I want to hate you but I can’t bring myself to actually do it. Do you know what this kind of pain feels like?”

Lance looked at Keith now, letting the tears fall down his face. It was Keith’s turn to look away, to keep his mouth closed as he stared in the grass. Even though he didn’t say for him to keep talking, Lance decided to continue. “That party you threw - the one where I finally met James, the boyfriend you told me about only two months after that night - I was uncomfortable. Not because of you, but because of how he was all over you. And I would have been fine if he hadn’t kept glaring at me. Giving dirty looks. Whispering to you while glaring at me as if I was the subject of fucking conversation. That’s why I left early with Pidge. She understood I couldn’t be there.”

He hated saying all of this out loud, but Keith had been the one to ask a question that involved a bulky answer. “Is that all you wanted to hear? Does that please all the questions on why we aren’t how we used to be?” Lance asked, sounding more dead than he would have liked to. This tired him out, though. “Guess in the end it’s my fault. I was too much. I came off too strong, or I said something that was just way too much for you to handle. I’m sorry.” 

Keith looked like he wanted to speak. To say something, anything, but couldn’t. Instead he looked at the yard, guilt evident on his face. As twisted as it might seem that expression made Lance feel so much more satisfied. For so long he wondered if Keith even thought about this, but now he knew he would. After all he had just told Keith about how he made him feel, and knowing Keith he wouldn’t forget this. 

“Don’t stay up too late. If you decide to leave do it quietly. I’m going to bed now.” He mumbled, and with that Lance left Keith outside, alone to take in everything he was just told. Left to take in the fact he only added onto each and every one of Lance’s insecurities without realizing that he had. He quietly laid down beside Pidge and on Hunk, closing his eyes. 

He wasn’t fully asleep when Keith came in and covered him. He felt him kiss his head before quietly leaving the house, hearing his bike start and the sound fade away. It hurt his heart, and soon he was crying himself to sleep. Lance could feel Hunk and Pidge shift, and soon he was in a giant hug, hands petting his head as they hushed him to sleep. 

After that he didn’t speak to Keith much.

**Author's Note:**

> I know this is poorly written, but if you read the tags you would understand that this is based off real life events that happened to me in the span of my Junior year actually. Someone made me feel the way Keith made Lance feel. Everything he said happened to me, the only difference being I never got to tell the person everything that Lance told Keith while they sat outside, so they are unaware and it kinda sucks but you know how it is.  
> Why did I choose Lance and Keith?  
> Easy: prom night I wore blue and my date wore red. My friends literally called us klance. Obvious choice.  
> James and Ryan also represent real people, and all of our friends are kinda mashed up into everyone else.  
> Tag yourself I'm literally Lance guys lol.


End file.
